I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
