I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you made out with another girl for some wings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
