She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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