i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
