I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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