I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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