physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
