please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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