I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize