can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
