I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
