Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
