i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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