I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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