after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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