This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
