If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
