so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
