You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
