he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
