Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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