Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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