Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
