can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
