I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
