theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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