ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've blown a few things in my day
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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