Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
