is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
