Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
