he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
