So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
