it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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