She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
