I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
