he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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