Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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