just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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