I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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