I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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