Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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