Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
