Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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