You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im part way to drunk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
