you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
