I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
