So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
