If that was your dad, he is hot
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
