I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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