I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
