all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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