i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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