sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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