Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The air taste purple.
Randomize