You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
