he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
