Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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