it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
