the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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