if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
