I showed him my bush... on skype.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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