Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
