He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
