so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
