I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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