Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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