i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
