I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
