She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
