i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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