maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
