Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
