I wish I could teleport
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
