FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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